| Well... |
[17 Jun 2003|02:56pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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die trying-oxygen's gone |
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I've decided I'm not going to let the little slump I'm in keep me down. I have never been one to be....unhappy for such a long period of time, and I really don't intend to start now. I have family and friends to love me, I don't need a boyfriend or a husband to be happy. By thinking that way I was slowly turning into the women I swore I never wanted to be. There's only one thing that's really bothering me, and I need to get it straightened out. I'll have to wait for him to show his face though *sighs* It really confused me. It was something silly, but I need some sort of closure on it before I can totally close the book on this part of my life. Right now I'm happy, and I feel so much more like myself. I've also realized I have no reason to be unhappy. I live a life many people would die for, and I do what I love for a living. I have so much fun doing what I do that I can't even really call it a job. How many people in the world can honestly say that about what they do? It's...unreal sometimes, and I'm almost angry with myself for taking it for granted and being unhappy. I almost feel like I owe it to my career to be happy sometimes. With what I do, and the parents I have...I know I'm blessed, and I really feel I owe it to much more than everyone else, but to myself to try and be happy.
I don't even know where I'm going with this now, so I think...I'm going to go out and do some shopping, or call my mom or something.
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| ugh. |
[11 Jun 2003|01:24am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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stone temple pilots-interstate love song |
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Men are confusing.
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| sigh.. |
[10 Jun 2003|06:05pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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seether-driven under |
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So, here I am, struggling to find something of substance to write about. I'm lurking, but it's not like anyone has spoken to me in the time I've spent online anyway. I haven't been one for conversation much lately, I guess, and it frightens me. Sara and I tried to befriend each other, it didn't work. I usually seem to get along with everyone relatively well - so it made me uneasy.
*sighs, bunching my curls up on the top of my head, letting them fall* Lately, I've seem to become a person that I hate. I'm here alone, and I'm starving for some sort of human affection. I want someone to hold me, and kiss me. To stare at me as if they want to reach into my heart and see every part of me. To read me, and understand me. I don't know if this is out of my league now or not. The feelings of lonliness seem to increase with each passing day, and I hate that I can't control it. I'm usually so dismissive when it comes to heartache. Before I met Chris I never kept boyfriends for long, and being tied down seemed to be an impossible concept for me to grasp. Then I met him and we married happily - or so I thought. Things happened, we drifted apart, and I almost called him two days ago. Thank God my mother called right as I was heading for the phone. Sometimes I wonder if I have anything outside of my family and my acting anymore. And the only thing I can think is I've brought this upon myself.
[i'm thinking about it, for anyone that really cares...kate might not be here much longer.]
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| So... |
[02 Jun 2003|07:58pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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krave-now or never |
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I just kind of lounged around today. Did a little promoting for Alex & Emma. The premiere is in a couple of weeks, and of course, I'm excited. I also did a little shopping with my mother, and that's always fun. She's worried about me *laughs* I haven't found someone to quite replace Chris. Whether I'm actually interested, I'm not sure. I do miss being involved, though. I miss the closeness, and everything that comes with a loving relationship.
I talked to Brad Delson last night. Sweet guy. He seemed slightly upset that I didn't know him at first, though. He's nice, maybe I can get to know him better. I guess we'll see.
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| So... |
[31 May 2003|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
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music |
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the ataris-the boys of summer |
] |
I guess this is where I make my first post? I guess there's not much I can say, that you probably don't already know. I can tell you that I'm single, though. Have been for awhile. Things....were great with Chris and I, then just took a strange turn, I guess. I'm not going to weep over it. He broke my heart, and I cried. I'm over it now, ready to move on to the next. You only live once, right? Right. Oh look at me, answering my own questions. I guess I'm talking to myself now. Oh well....if you get bored, IM me. See you all later :-*
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just_kate's journal